I keep wondering why Apple bothers to pay for these "I switched because I'm a hippie f&*(^up on drugs, fighting the power of Microsoft." So I have taken it upon myself to critique their ads, and it's not even really all that hard to do, that's the sad part. Making fun of these people is simple. Sadly I'm making fun of them because I'm just jealous, and need my second mouse button. I've also not evolved beyond the occasional need to use my floppy drive, or be able to find "software" to run on my machine. I have to state here and now that it's not Apple computers themselves that I personally object to. (Although I do think you guys are paying WAY to much money for what you get.) It's the general attitude of arrogance and superiority that these fruity bohemians seems to extrude around them. It's sort of like they see themselves as some sort of superior lifeform. Rather like the French, you just sort of smirk and joke about them behind their backs. Or in this case, to their faces. That's what I hate. It's like an ant who thinks they're the emperor of the world, or those people who hang around at art galleries, looking at meat nailed to a board exclaiming how "bold and daring" it is... The rest of us realise it's a waste of a $15 steak. (Thanks to Dman for the link to Ellen that started this whole thing. Please don't read this article if you're offended by me making fun of people. :))

Anyhows, here we go with the mocking! (Click on a name to see the video I'm talking about.)

Ellen Feiss - I'm not sure where they dredged up this sad loser. I'm pretty sure if she even hinted at which school she goes to, they'd sue her AND Apple, and take away her pot privilages. Look at those little red eyes. Good god woman. Get some sleep.

Alex Schoknecht - OK, here's a guy who's family apparently can't go "three days in a row" without killing their PC. I'm not sure, but I think their car mechanic probably loves them. In fact, I'm pretty certain that if they can screw up a PC that often, they'll have the Mac in pieces pretty soon, trying to figure out where you can put a rack of antlers.

Bill Swan - I'm uncertain as to why you'd need to rip a PC apart and replace cards to get it to print.....And why he didn't buy a printer that was compatible in the first place I'm also uncertain. I fear for this man's children, and their spoken english skills. Also, he apears to have this predator hair thing going on. Very wierd.

Janie Porche - It's a Christmas Miracle, Santa can relax now! Janie saved Christmas, because her Dad isn't running Windows XP, and for some reason didn't get the drivers with his camera. Or, couldn't read the damned instructions.

Andy Skowronski - Here's another guy who can't figure out how to get his PC working, and apparently isn't smart enough to ask his local six year old how to plug his camera in. (Or read the manual.)

Jeremiah Cohick - Yet another poor, put upon child, forced to tolerate the unmitigated ignorance of his father.... A filthy, filthy unwashed PC user. In fact, he's a missionary in his own home. Let's hope the natives martyr him soon and save us from seeing his face and horrible acting again.

Richard Ziskin - Apparently this guy is some sort of evil voodoo witch doctor bastard. He hopes that it rains every day, and he makes umbrelas. He's the last guy left in the US who makes them. This is either the fault of the PC (as he thinks, with his warped little reptilian Mac users brain.) or perhaps that Walmart pays children in China a penny a week to make them there.

Gautam Godse - Ad accent, get humour. This guy at least makes some sort of sense, and doesn't flail his limbs around wildly like most of the others in this collection of genetic mistakes. I think it's just because of the photos of his offspring he's clutching to his chest.

Theresa McPherson - Hey Theresa! The '70s called, they'd like their style back, thanks. Frankly the idea of an entire network of Macs, all huddled together like the very heart of evil just makes my toes curl. Oh, and Apple admited that lawyers use their PCs. Not good. Not good atall.

Dr. Mark Gibson - Huh. He's got his name on his shirt. I guess if he gets lost, people will know where to return him to. Personally I hate when I loose my vet.

Jentry Poss - I just can't think of anything nasty to say about this guy's comments that I haven't said already. Hate those slacks though. Oh, and nice circus music Apple.

Fabiola Torres - Why does this woman thrash and gyrate her hands when she talks? It's like watching an epileptic octopus doing an Elvis concert. My God. I also love the accent when she says her name. :)

Gianni Jacklone - "Da Bomb" Who's apparently jumped into the future with his new OS. Uh huh. He's also hated Macs his entire life, but has given into the dark side recently when he bought an Apple and joined the cast of "Grease"

Tony Hawk - I can't really make fun of Tony, 'cause he's a pretty cool guy. However, that Apple music SO does NOT go with skateboarding. Mac could have had a really, really cool ad here but blew it. I checked just to be sure, and yes, Tony Hawk 2 is avaliable for the Macs. They have a modern game to play. They must be so proud.

Kelly Slater - Just listen to this guy. I think he's taken a few too many wacks in the head from the ol' board. None the less, at least he wasn't busy bashing PCs. Also, I don't think he's a real surfer. There was a decided lack of "dude" and "knarley" in his little speach.

DJ Qbert - This guy makes scratching sounds, I think. I'm not quite sure what a "scratch DJ" is exactly, but here's an example. It has something to do with Macs and beaches and being "crazy". I think. Ok I'm lost, time to move on.

YoYo Ma - Not going to make fun of one of the world's premier musicians. Sure he uses a Mac, but we can't all be perfect.

De La Soul - Apparently you can make your Mac go "Ohh ohhh" as well as making scratching noises on the beach. My awe grows with every biblical revelation. I don't think my PC has ever allowed me to make scratching noises OR "ohh ohh" noises. I am humbled before the might that is Apple.

Hamilton Morris - Having an iPod makes him feel more powerfull than Superman, Spiderman AND the Incredible Hulk combined. And I'm thinking we might be able to get Robin Hood and perhaps Superman in there as well. I can somehow see this guy stalking women, when he's not busy bemoaning his lack of fashion sense, tripping over his pant legs, or watching Star Trek in his parents basement in thirty years. As a note on the iPod... I think it was mighty generous of the morons at Apple to finally start offering PC support on it. We are after all, 90%+ of the market out there. (Nice job lads!)

The theme running through the entire series of videos seems to be that Macs never break down, nothing ever goes wrong, and they're easy to use. Also, the people who use Macs are idiots, with a poor grasp of English and public speaking skills. (And lacking in any fashion sense.)

I was thinking of buying a Mac at one time, but these ads have warned me away. Thanks Apple.